Are you excited? I’m excited.

My very first zine is now available. We’re still working on pricing for print copies, and making posts in places, but it can be viewed by clicking this link.

I am now accepting Paypal donations if you notice the big “donate” button to your right. If you are viewing this message in your email or reader, the Paypal address is tmonilin80@yahoo.com .

Thank you, thank you, thank you to my wonderful friends over at Thaura Zine Distro for helping me put this together. Aaminah, Mai’a.. I love you guys!!

Now go read, donate, and tell 5 of your friends.

UPDATE: If you would like a paper copy, the suggested donation is $4 (or more, if you can) to help offset printing and mailing costs. Check with the good folks over at Thaura Zine Distro or contact me directly for more information.

Xia hissed and jumped backward, sending a handful of water splashing towards the face of the guard. Her power heated it to boiling as it flew; steam rose into the air and curled upward. She watched, helplessly, as the clear liquid stopped short of its target, as if slamming into an invisible wall. Frowning, she tracked the water as it dripped harmlessly to the floor.

Turning off the faucet, Xia regarded the other female with something akin to suspicion. “Who are you, really?” she demanded. “You have a Mark of Taint, yet you walk openly among the normals. Why?”

The guard smiled bitterly. “Not quite openly, I’ll have you know. I hide my eyes behind these,” she said, holding her glasses up for inspection. “And when I’m not wearing these, I have soft shields to cover my eyes. Contact lenses, they used to be called, only mine cover my entire eye, not just the iris.”

Xia said, “I see,” even though she did not.

Smiling more warmly, the other woman continued. “I am called Rei. Whether that is the name my parents gave me, or the name I was given by the people that raised me in the shadows, I don’t know for sure. Apparently I was abandoned shortly after birth, and found by one of The Council’s guards.”

“Bu – but!” Xia interrupted. “Aren’t you guys honor bound to report and deliver any Marked children to The Council?”

“Ah, that is true,” Rei said, “but what better way to change the rules if not from within?”

“Heh?”

“Besides, I’m not completely Marked; I only have this one.. And stop calling them Marks of Taint. They’re blessings.”

“Blessings!” Xia sputtered. “What in the Name of-”

“Don’t say it!” Rei exclaimed. “You go invoking that name, you’ll have every Other within three klicks appearing in this room. For now, I have us shielded, but my power is not strong, and it won’t last long.” She looked toward the door anxiously. “We don’t have much time left before the other guards realize we’ve been gone far too long for a normal bathroom.”

“I’m a girl. Tell them I’m having my menses, or something. I can fake some cramps if you like.” Xia grinned, and was rewarded with a bright, genuine smile from Rei. “So, how many like you are there? And what did you mean by ‘blessing’? Sure as hell doesn’t feel like one.”

“That’s because you have yet to be properly initiated.”

“Into what?”

Rei gave her a heavy look, full of pity and pain. “Into the Circle of The One, of course. Those Marks are a sign of favor from the true Power. She has not fallen, but reigns unseen by normals. The Others are tools that once served Her, but broke away and formed their own version of justice.”

A sharp pain sliced through Xia’s skull. She gasped, and swayed, and closed her eyes against the floor that seemed to be rising toward her face. Her limbs burned, and she suddenly felt very, very tired. Rei smashed her glasses onto her face and fumbled to train her weapon on the smaller woman. “I thought we had more time,” she muttered as the door flew open.

“Whoops,” Xia muttered as bits of wood rained down around her. “Guess I should practice more.” She lifted a hand to brush the worst of the explosion’s aftermath from her shoulders and froze when she heard several weapons swing in her direction. “Crap.”

“Drop your weapon!” Xia’s eyebrows shot up, stunned. Weapon? Her gaze flickered to the twisted metal door knob in her hand. Sighing, she unclenched her fingers and allowed it to fall to the floor. With exaggerated slowness, she lifted both hands into the air, laced her fingers behind her head, and lowered her eyes. The guards were less likely to attack if they were certain that she could not stun them with a gaze or a wiggle of her fingers.

As the dust cleared, she counted six pairs of boots surrounding her. They immediately began to argue about what to do with her.

“She needs to be taken before The Council. Obviously, this cell wasn’t strong enough to hold her,” one guard said.

“But where were you? I thought two of you were supposed to be here at all times?”

“She wasn’t supposed to be able to escape! The Other assured me that her power was weak and that the lock would hold!”

Rudely and loudly, Xia cleared her throat. All conversation ceased, and the seven of them stood in complete silence for more than a few heartbeats. Finally, a guard, this one a woman, spoke up, asking, “Why did you try to escape?”

Xia chuckled. “Escape? I had no idea the door was locked. It never was before.” An uncomfortable pause filled the air. She ignored the discomfort of the guards and rushed on. “Can we discuss my ‘escape’ after I go to the bathroom?” She watched as all six pairs of boots moved just out of her hearing range; a furious whispered conversation rapidly took place. Sighing, she rocked back and forth of the balls of her bare feet.

Just as she was going to interrupt and remind them of her pressing need, a single guard returned to her side. “Come on,” the woman said, “I’ll go with you. You can put your arms down and look up, too.” Thankful for small favors, Xia complied, and set her body into motion.

Walking the short distance to the bathroom with another female who was heavily armed and probably not much older than herself embarrassed and saddened Xia, but she struggled to remain calm. She despised the feeling of being treated as criminal, but unless she misunderstood The Other’s words, The Council feared her and felt that they had no choice but to treat her as such. An ugly smirk twisted her mouth; after blowing her cell door to pieces, The Council probably had good cause to feel afraid.

She chuckled as she reached the bathroom, and stopped in her tracks when she realized that her companion meant to follow her inside. “Do you mind?” she asked.

The guard answered apologetically. “I’m under orders not to let you out of my sight.” She paused, then added, “I’m sorry.”

Shrugging, Xia opened the door and stepped inside. Curious, she turned to face the other woman as the light snapped on inside the small room. Only slightly taller than Xia, the female was young, probably having seen no more than twenty summers. Her short hair was partially covered by a faded pink kerchief, and her eyes were hidden by dark glasses. Her armor was battle scarred, and in her hands, she held a heavy rifle. A short sword hung from her belt, and another, longer blade was strapped to her back. Shrugging again, Xia headed toward the lone stall, already undoing the string on her pants.

Completing her business, she fixed her clothing and exited the stall, heading for the sink to wash her hands. Turning on the water to let it heat up, she reached for the soap and pumped the old bottle several times. Rubbing the slimy concoction into her hands, she glanced up at the mirror and felt her mouth fall open in shock.

“I see you’ve noticed. Good. Saves time that way,” said the female with the glowing blue eyes.

So.

There are some things going on right now:

• It’s Ramadan, the Islamic holy month. Those of us who are able must refrain from food, drink, sex, smoking, anger and lust (among other things) during the daylight hours. Pray for us.
• I’m suffering from what is apparently a pulled muscle in my back. And yes, it does hurt.
• I am going to make a zine, with the help of my good friends over at Thaura Distro.

Am I boring you yet? If not, then stay tuned as I work my way through these challenges, and (insha’Allah) emerge stronger and ready to RAWK!

because poems

because poems
are supposed to be
fluffy flowery things
like clouds
and puppies
and trees by the sea
(so i’ve been told)
and not
dark slashes of emotion
that burn through the page
and grab you by the throat
and squeeze
why aren’t you happy
i always hear
why so dark
so blue
so angry and full
of rage

why not?

in my head
there is a world
and i
am the queen
ruler of all that remains

because poems
are supposed to be
full of light and peace
i have been told
or have a message
for the masses
to digest
with their morning tea
how dare i
talk about blood
and the unpleasant
stink of fear

why not?

The Other broke the strained silence, asking “Do you know why you have not yet been summoned before The Council?”

Xia poked her lips out, willing herself to be, for once, cordial and humble. She settled on word answers for the interrogation  that she knew was coming. “No,” she answered simply.

“The Council is concerned about your level of ability. Your Taint appeared earlier and is stronger than we have ever seen. If you are not properly trained and controlled, the possibility of your rebellion against us will rise.”

“Yes?”

“You must study with proper supervision.”

“Yes.” Xia started to wiggle her toes and clench and unclench her fists. If this session did not cease soon, she was afraid that her patience would run out and she would snap, risking pain and punishment by speaking her mind.

“You will remain in this room, under guard. Your meals will be delivered to you, and one of us will always be watching. Always,” The Other stressed.

Yes,” Xia hissed through her teeth. She felt the air soften as The Other vanished. Groaning softly, she stretched her limbs and stood. She paused, listening, to make sure that The Other was really gone. Satisfied that she was alone, she walked to her bed and flopped down. She pushed up the left sleeve of her shirt and stared at the first of her Three Marks of Taint.

On the underside of her arm, running from her wrist to the crook of her elbow, was a series of complicated, interlocking symbols. They were written in a language not seen in this land in millennia,  and appeared burned into her milk chocolate skin. They appeared on the twenty-sixth day after her birth, Xia was told. Her mother was ordered to give her to The Council for observation, but she refused. After packing a small bag, she fled with baby Xia in tow. They were successful in evading capture until Xia’s twenty-sixth month, when the second Mark appeared.

Dropping her marked arm, Xia raised her other hand to trace the small, serpent-shaped mark that rested in the hollow of her throat. When that was discovered, as the story goes, the townspeople forced them out of the gates at weapon point, where The Council’s guards were waiting. The armed men and women took the two females into custody, cruelly separating mother and child. Xia vaguely remembered the incident. She remembered screaming and trying to bite the arms of the warrior that held her in a vice-like grip. Explosions, crying and screaming sounds filled her young ears. The next thing she remembered was waking up in a hard, cold bed. Alone.

The Other pounded unwanted knowledge into her over the years: that she was the sole cause of her mother’s death, and that the destruction of the town was her responsibility alone. Her third and final Mark of Taint appeared that day. Her eyes, formally a soft brown, morphed into glowing blue orbs, and her enter body crackled with electricity when she was angered.

Shaking her head, Xia shoved her memories away from her and slid off the uncomfortable cot. Her bare feet thumped the floor as she crossed the short distance to the door. Twisting the knob, she narrowed her eyes at its resistance. Taking a deep breath, she focused on the steel lock. Sending a wave power into the barrier, the lock disengaged, just seconds before the door exploded in her face.

Meet Xia, the newest heroine in my short story collection. This one is a little bit different from the rest. Enjoy!

—————————————————————–

Xia had killed eight flies, and was hunting for the ninth, when she felt the presence behind her. Her back stiffened involuntarily as The Other crept closer. She forced herself to relax and ignore what was taking place behind her, but her tight grip on the rolled-up magazine she was using as a fly swatter gave her true feelings away. She inhaled deeply and squinted, sending ghostly fingers searching for the consciousness of the missing fly. Slowly, she exhaled.

A flutter on the edge of her peripheral vision betrayed the location of her prey. Shifting her focus, she sent a wave of crackling energy in that direction. The small winged creature fell from the air, landed on the bare floor boards with a shudder, and died.

“Disgraceful,” The Other spoke contemptuously.

“So you’ve returned,” Xia stated simply.

“And with good timing, it appears. You have been neglecting your practice.” She heard The Other shift, as if looking around. Xia cast a listless glance around the small room, seeing it through The Other’s eyes.

A small metal cot, topped by a thin mattress and even thinner sheet, was shoved in one corner. The walls were stark, white, and unadorned. A low, rickety held a slim computer. Next to this was a stack of glossy magazines and paperback books, their pages faded and worn. Bodies of small insects littered the floor. A dim, overhead bulb provided the only light.

“If I had known you were coming, I would have spruced the place up.” Sarcasm dripped from Xia’s words. The Other never announced a Coming; the shadowy being seemed to arrive from nowhere and take form from nothing. Xia twisted her head and glared pointedly at the firmly closed door. “You could have knocked.”

The Other hissed with displeasure. “You have forgotten your place.”

Raising an eyebrow, Xia countered with “I didn’t know I had a place around here.” The Other growled, and Xia felt the air pressure drop. Falling to her knees, she gasped for breath. Darkness appeared in the corners of her sight, and she felt herself going numb. Just as suddenly as the attack began, it ceased. Drinking in mouthfuls of precious air, Xia smirked. Abuse her, but never kill her: that was The Other’s way.

Once she refilled her lungs, she made herself comfortable on the floor, bringing her legs close to her, and crossing them. She kept her back to The Other, because to face one directly was to invite death. She waited, patiently, for The Other to speak. There was always a reason for a Coming; The Other would not be in the presence of a Tainted One otherwise.

Xia dragged a hand across her bald head. She could still feel the insignia that was tattooed on her brow. Without looking into a mirror, she could trace the blue lines and swirls and know what was there. Written in the glyphs of the language of The Other, the language of the ancient race of rulers, was one word: BEWARE.

AND I can prove it!

See Tasherre and Sumayyah at Fitness 19 here and here. I’m down 2 pounds with a bazillion more to go. Baby steps!

Also, catch up with Tasherre as he records 52 songs in 31 days.

Until next time!

privilege

i’m sick
of being told
that i hold hate
for people
what about the hate
that people
hold for me?
i’m told
to create a
safe space
for people
that have no space
for me

because i don’t
identify
as what
you want me to be
does that mean
my rights
my life
my being
are illegal
invalid
or just unpleasing
to you?

fuck you

and your privilege
too

i’m tired
of having to justify
why i do
what i do
why i say
what i say
only to have you
argue with me
tell me
what i should
do and say and be
excuse me
isn’t this
my skin
i’m living in?
thank you
now
go away

you seek
to deny
me
my existence
because
it’s not what you see
in that mirror
that you keep
locked away
out of the fear
that i will
somehow
contaminate your space

where’s my safe space?

i had a place
once upon a  time
but then you came
to invade
took credit
for my work
reaped the rewards
of what i made
and claimed
i had
no right

fuck you

and your privilege
too

can’t complain

—————————————

why should i

dry my eyes

when only more tears

will run

in the place

of those already

fallen

sliding along

the old tracks

why should i

hide my pain

when my heart

is bleeding

and my soul

has no rest

and my mind wanders

with nowhere

to go

but try as i might

to let it all go

i find

i can’t

complain

for some reason

i can not explain

my tongue

will not allow

my mouth to

complain

i fear

the coldness of

the stares

that i think i would

receive

if i laid

my burdens

down to sleep

inside i keep it all

and i vow

never again

shall i complain

why should i

despair

when my joy

is all around me

i may not

have a friend

but i can not

complain

]]> http://neirecords.com/sumayyahsaidso/2010/07/cant-complain/feed/ 2