Posts from — January 2010

Welcome to the mind of Zo. Not sure just how old she is yet… Somewhere between 12 and 16, I’m guessing. And yes, she’s been locked up her whole life.

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Even if I can’t see them, I know they’re there. Watching me, taunting me, studying me like I’m an animal. I’m cold. And wet. And hungry. There’s pain. I’m hot, too, sometimes. It’s the same thing, over and over and over and over again.

But today is different. I can feel Her coming. I felt Her in my belly, when She changed, when She came near. I’m not sure who She is, but She can save me.

She’s here. Oh, Goddess, She came for me!

She killed him. The guy who was watching me is dead. Good. I can smile for the first time. I should greet my guest no my savior.

I waved. I wonder if She saw me. I hope She knows where I am. I don’t even know where I am. I just know it’s deep underground. There are always guards, men, they stink, watching me. The Black Eye On The Wall is how they see me. I hope She kills them all.

I can hear it. The water. It’s coming again. Whatever I did I’m sorry! I swear!

They’re afraid of me. I wonder why.

Oh, Goddess! The water, it’s cold! It seeps into my bones. My food is soggy, my clothes are always damp, I hate this. I hate this!

Maybe I should wave again. Maybe She didn’t see me.

No. I know She’s there. She’s there and She’s looking for me. She needs me. I need Her.

Water water make it stop go go away stop cold cold cold

Cold. Warm. I’m hot. Burning hot. What’s this? Orange? Flame? HOT! Why is it on me? I’m gonna burn burn burn hot stop

I’m not burning. I see smoke no steam. The water is drying. My clothes are drying.

She has come for me. I need to wait. She will free me from this place. No more Black Eye On The Wall to keep watch over me.

I’ll wave. She’ll see. I can feel Her in my belly. I’ll lead Her to me.

What’s this sound? Clang, bang, shriek, buzz. Clang, bang, shriek, buzz.

Alarms? Is She coming? Have they noticed Her? Clang, bang, BOOM.

Silence.

Silence.

What’s going on? I know She’s close. I can feel Her. I can feel huh what the heck is this?

There’s 2 of Her?

Sweet Goddess on the Throne! There’s 2 of Her!

I’d better sit down. What am I supposed to do with 2 of Her?

Wait. That’s wrong. There’s Her, and there’s The Other One. Yes. Only She is meant for me. The Other One simply needs to be removed from Her presence.

I have my purpose.

Now I need to figure out these flames things on my body. They might be useful.

Go to part 4

fight

running
short of breath
can’t stop or slow down
that brings instant death
hounds at my heels
dogging my steps
can’t even look back
or my soul will be swallowed
it’s not right
i’m not wrong
are you punishing me
for merely trying to exist?
this is
my Hell
rather than burn
i’m left alone in the cold

it’s easy to deny the things
you’ve never had to see
easy to disregard
all the the things you will never be

are you listening?
can you hear me now?
or is the static of your
bullshit still too loud?
i harmonize
while you seek to destroy
trapped in the death throes
of paltry entertainment
it’s my cross
my ball and chain
the road
engraved with my name
i must fight
defeat you
stop punishing me
for merely trying to exist
witness this

stereotypically
clinging to crooked sanity
not who i often appear to be
cracked and slipping
is the mask i donned
so brief
was the promised peace

if this pain would pass me by
if this day would only end

water to cleanse
the body
does not reach
the soul
the windows are closed
and the house is flooding
the bridge is being burned

if the night would only come
if the moon would never rise again

giving frantic worship
to things unseen
offered no answers
to the questions i’ve asked
bleeding from heartbreak
straining under the weight
of the rock on my back
called life

if i should fall just leave me be
on this path of destiny
fractured pieces of my dreams
will cushion me

I’m tired.

I’ve been suffering from what is apparently eye strain and general fatigue for a few days now. My mind is blank and unproductive. I know that some of you are waiting for more book reviews and new poems, and the continuation of “Win To Prey.” I just don’t have it in me right now.

I’m sorry.

If you haven’t already, please subscribe, either in a reader or by email, in order to be informed the moment I make a new post. Until then, I’m taking a short break.

Peace and blessings,

~Sumayyah~

Revolutionary. Trouble maker. Confident. Obnoxious. Informed. Misguided. Enlightened. Shadowed.

“Manjani Jackson is a mouthy New York teenager who believes her life purpose is to lead her ‘deaf, dumb, and blind’ brothers and sistahs into The Revolution.”

Freedom Speaks Diaspora has written a novel about what it does – and does not – mean to be a Revolutionary. Set in 1996, “Manjani” is the story of an (often misunderstood) young sistah who is trying to find her place in The Struggle. Family secrets, loss of friends, questions about her sexuality, and political agendas dog her steps from start to finish. She learns on her journey the true definitions of struggle, leadership, birth right, and power. At turns amusing, thought-provoking and awe-inspiring, “Manjani” is a story of discovery and consciousness as seen through the eyes of a self-proclaimed “warrior of The People.”

I grant this book 5 out of 5 stars. Buy it, borrow it, but please don’t steal it!

Here is a list of the last 50 books I read (not including manga I’ve read online, and not including the books I’m currently reading). No real point to this post; I just felt like sharing.

(I do admit, however, that I hope this post inspires you to read more. Can’t blame me for trying. Support your local library!)

—————————————–

1. The Muslim Next Door – Sumbul Ali-Karamali
2. After the Prophet: The Epic Story of the Shia-Sunni Split in Islam – Lesley Hazleton
3. Dope Sick – Walter Dean Myers
4. Sexuality and the World’s Religions – Frank Korom
5. Rose of No Man’s Land – Michelle Tea
6. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao – Junot Diaz
7. Lord of the Vampires – Jeanne Kalogridis
8. Jihad of the Soul – Zarinah El-Amin Naeem
9. Stonewall: The Riots That Sparked The Gay Revolution – David Carter
10. This Is Not A Love Song – Sarahbeth Purcell
11. Dull Boy – Sarah Cross
12. Public Enemy #2 – Aaron McGruder
13. Cut – Patricia McCormick
14. Pirate Latitudes – Michael Crichton
15. Street Pharm – Allison van Diepen
16. Love The One You’re With – James Earl Hardy
17. The Other Side of Paradise – Staceyann Chin
18. All American Dream Dolls – David Haynes
19. Strange Brew – P.N. Elrod
20. Thin Air – Rachel Caine
21. Bone Crissed – Patricia Briggs
22. A Right To Be Hostile – Aaron McGruder
23. Almost Perfect – Brian Katcher
24. Suck It Up – Brian Meehl
25. The Hunger Games – Suzanne Collins
26. She’s Not There – Jennifer Finney Boylan
27. Rage: A Love Story – Julie Ann Peters
28. Almost Home – Jessica Blank
29. Big Fat Manifesto – Susan Vaught
30. Hope On A Tightrope – Cornel West
31. Under The Dome – Stephen King
32. The Size of a Mustard Seed – Maryam Sullivan
33. Boy Meets Boy – David Levithan
34. Whale Talk – Chris Crutcher
35. Children of the Vampire – Jeanne Kalogridis
36. Hardcore Zen – Brad Werner
37. The Virgin of Flame – Chris Abani
38. Define Normal – Julie Peters
39. Luna – Julie Ann Peters
40. Home Safe – Elizabeth Berg
41. Angry Black White Boy – Adam Mansbach
42. When A Man Loves A Weapon – Toni McGee Causey
43. Orlando – Virginia Woolf
44. A Little Piece of Sky – Nicole Bailey Williams
45. The Book of Lost Things – John Connolly
46. Angry Management – Chris Crutcher
47. Dead and Gone – Charlaine Harris
48. Fall To Pieces: A Memoir of Drugs, Rock ‘N’ Roll, and Mental Illness – Mary Weiland
49. The Prophet – Khalil Gibran
50. A Mercy – Toni Morrison

Bonus 10

• Islam’s Black Slaves: The Other Diaspora – Ronald Segel
• High Voltage Tattoo – Kat Von D
• Neurotica – Sue Margolis
• Transgender Warriors: Making History From Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman -Leslie Feinberg
• The Year of the Flood – Margaret Atwood
• Anthem of a Reluctant Prophet – Joanne Proulx
• Sick As A Parrot – Liz Evans
• Hellfire Nation: The Politics of Sin in American History – James A. Morone
• Make Love, Not War: The Sexual Revolution- An Unfettered History – David Allyn
• Bad Moon Rising – Sherrylin Kenyon

Keep in mind that these were all read between November 6, 2009 and January 14, 2010.

Happy reading!

And the plot thickens…

Sorry it’s so short, but this is all I have the energy to write tonight.

—————————————-
Sugar Dayton frowned at the warm body at her feet. She prodded him with the toe of her boot; he was definitely dead. She sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose between the tips of her thumb and forefinger.

“I can feel her,” Mae Dayton hissed. “She’s here, I know she is. Where is she?”

“Dead men tell no tales,” Sugar quipped.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Sugar said with a sigh. She looked over at the security desk, and zeroed in on the small screens. “Mae,” she prodded her twin.

“What?”

“Look.” She pointed to the bank of monitors.

Mae pushed her foot into the dead guard’s chest and pulled her staff free from his ruined face. The smell of burned flesh permeated the air around them, but the woman did not notice. She eyed the glowing stick-like thing, checking for stains. Seeing none, she turned to see what her sister was going on about.

And felt her blood run cold as her heartbeat sped up.

Mae shoved her younger sister roughly aside in order to stand closer to the desk. On screen, a wet, disheveled teen was laughing. As if she could see the two women watching her, the younger female raised her hand and wiggled her fingers in an approximation of a wave.

“Oh Goddess, preserve me,” Mae choked. “It’s her. It’s really her.”

Sugar raised an eyebrow. “Is that -”

“Yes,” Mae sputtered. “That’s my daughter. That’s Zo.”

“You named her ‘Zo’?”

“Something wrong with that?” the older woman challenged, brandishing her recently used, fiery staff.

“Not at all,” Sugar muttered. “Not at all.” She turned in a slow circle in an attempt to understand their present location. “So,” she started, “how do we get to where she is?”

“I assume there’s some sort of a door, or.. something..” Mae trailed off, her concentration fractured by the sight of the child she had feared was lost.

“We can ask the guar- oh, wait. You killed him!”

“You’re still complaining about that?”

“You. Killed. A. Man.”

“So you’re saying I shouldn’t kill these petty humans for all the pain and suffering they’ve caused us?”

“I’m saying you should have gotten directions, keys and information first, you flaming fool!”

Mae contemplated her sister’s words. “Makes sense,” she mused.

Sugar fumed. “I hate you,” she told her older sibling.

Go to part 3

Suppose you are in the bookstore, or the library, and you are looking for information on Islam. You head toward the Religion section, find Islam, and immediately, you are stumped. There are several Qur’ans, and various books claiming to have the “true” portrait of Muslims contained within its pages. But, wait, what it this? Do you want to learn about the Shi’a revival, the Sunni law making procedures, or the Sufi meditation practices?

Confused yet?

Sumbul Ali-Karamali has written a solution to the initial confusion. Titled “The Muslim Next Door: The Qur’an, the Media, and that Veil Thing”, this is one book that gives a very informed introduction to some of the most pressing questions about Islam in the 21st century. Beginning with an explanation of the 5 pillars of Islam, Ali-Karamali takes the reader on a brief journey through history and ends with an overview of being an American Muslim in a post 9/11 world.

Initially, I wanted to give this  book 3.5 stars (out of 5). The author began well enough, but at times seemed to be contradictory and overly apologetic. Her emphasis that certain widely known (and misunderstood)  practices were the result of culture and not religion quickly became repetitious. However, as I continued to read, I gained more respect for Sumbul Ali-Karamali’s simplistic writing style, as well as her candid way of sharing her personal experiences as a South Asian-American Muslim woman.

With ease, she describes the differences between sects, the alien concept of “clergy” to most Muslims, and analyzes several problematic verses in the Qur’an. The longest chapter in the book is chapter 7, “Women In Islam.” Here she goes into detail, citing historical and anecdotal evidence that Muslim women are not the sheltered, oppressed women that they are thought to be.

Overall, this book is an excellent resource for anyone wanting to quickly learn more about “real” Islam. I give it 4 stars (out of 5) and recommend it to people who crave knowledge of “what’s really going on.”

random thoughts #4

seamlessly divided
between
love and abhorrence
wonder which side
i’ll fall upon
when i leap from my perch
suspended in mid-air
swinging among the clouds

Zarinah El-Amin Naeem has given us “Jihad of the Soul: Single Muslims Struggling with Identity, Religion and Desire”, a study of what it means to be young and single in today’s society; specifically, young and single in American society. She takes scores of interviews of people between the ages of 18 and 40 and presents their experiences and opinions in a coherent fashion.

Divided into 3 parts, Jihad tackles important questions, such as:

• What does it mean to be Muslim?
• Is marriage still necessary?
• Are my expectations to high?
• How much say so should my family have in my decision?
• Where do I find a mate?

This book contains a wealth of information. Whether you are a person seeking answers to chase away confusion or simply desire to know “what’s really going on”, this book needs to be read! Overall, it reminds us that there is no single mindset about Muslims.

How I wish this book was around when I was single!