Posts from — November 2008

so simple

wish it was so simple
to just be who i am
tired of separating words
trying to make you understand
how you want me to be
frankly i don’t give a damn
war between
my soul and your soul
trying to make me see things
my mind says aren’t real
and it’s a doggone shame
that some things never change
do you love me enough
to leave me alone
stop the obscene noises
on my phone
dialing my number
hanging up acting like a fool
when all i ever asked
you to do
is respect me
and what i’m trying to do
wish it was so simple
to live my life
let me lead me
without scrutiny from the
hypocritical masses of this
twisted society
where the rich get richer
and the poor –
say no more
you say your heart’s broken
‘cause she worked a root on you
so why the hearts of other
lonely ones
how does it feel
to be a breaker
if it was all so simple
we could all tell the truth
and handle honesty
with no wars between our souls

untitled 20

my brain is housing fears
that this world is nothing more
than illusion
that reality is a game
and i keep coming up
in last place
lagging behind my peers
at the bottom with my social status
every day hungry
begging for table scraps
from the Masters of division subdivision
non-personable suburbia
death to individual
only copies no original
suffocation of the mind
bad dreams coming true
and i only wish i knew
an escape route from this grave
as the hive mind takes control
there’s a question burning in my soul
what is it for that i’m striving?
this 9 to 5 ain’t living
it’s merely surviving

untitled 19

far and away
from here
my soul flies so freely
who would have thought
that the shell i was living in
would crumble so easily?
through these jaded eyes of mine
i watched the world turn ’round
and ’round and around it spins
makin’ me so dizzy all the time
unraveled the threads
of the web i spun
to keep you close to me
the petals of love i spread
withered underneath your gaze
the winter wind chilled me so
as i watched you turn and walk away
release me
release my heart
from the shackles of this fate
i’ll do anything for your love
but from your hate
i cannot escape

far and away
from here
on top of the tallest peak
rests the soul that flew from me
chasing you
i’m bound by desire
imprisoned by my need to please
when did this agony
when did this pain
fill my time?

identity crisis II

what i saw in the mirror
made reality crash down
on my head
i saw a body, a face
and the person was
unfamiliar to my sight
her eyes narrowed
as did mine
i leaned forward
she leaned forward
and it came to me

i don’t know who i am
i don’t recognize me

i had to wonder
had i lost my soul
or did i have one in
the beginning
was i the lady in orange
the woman in red
or have i drowned in
a sea of blues and greens
the end of the rainbow
is no longer enough

to my brother
i am Sex
a warm body when he
is in need
a punching bag a wife
a cook a mother of three
a temptress of his fate
but i am not me

my sister seems to
see me
as a threat to her goals
a pillow for tears
a money lender man stealer
and i think i’m cute
sad sad day
when i look into
the mirror and
recognize nothing i see

i don’t know who i am
i no longer see me

sure life has been
no crystal stair
but must i tiptoe
around someone else’s fears
caught up in battling
pre-set identities
chicken-head ho mommy
baby daughter welfare queen
money-making booty-shaking
evil mama Nubian dream
i belong to myself
and everyone has staked a claim
but how can i be me

if i don’t know my name

convince me

the silence is deafening
overwhelming me
crushing me
seeking to annihilate the fantasies
that played in my head
from the moment we kissed
casually mating our minds
downplaying words of wisdom
those precious jewels whispered
as the clock struck the hour
but did i listen?
don’t expect me to
overlook your infidelities
or swallow canned excuses
sandwiched between your lies
that shocking diatribe
addressed to my heart
with giddiness
i reconsider this
one time transgression
writing it off as a lesson
hard learned swiftly ending
any hope of camaraderie
so i convinced myself
briefly
and there you were
on bended knee
sweet words of apology
tumbling from your lips like
an unrestricted gush of sensitivity
Heaven only knows
what was running through your
head at the moment you spoke
softly begging me to hear you
and understand the plan
you created on the fly
my vertigo arrives slow
spinning me into darkness
while i feel my heart twitch
and i can’t help but reminisce on
stimulating conversation
energetic lovemaking
passionate kisses
you should have told me
about the Mrs.
my discombobulation overrides
my good nature
i feel helpless
i call you selfish
how can we correct this?
to think we
started so innocently
i know you’re digging me
but convince me
it’s not all for naught
but what could we be
midnight creep booty call
chick on the side
evidently
something else is keeping you
occupied at all times
maybe it’s not at all
meant to be so convince me
that my tears were unnecessary
an overreaction
to an instant unattraction
to the truth

1. My net is back. For now.
2. Barack Obama has been elected President. WHOO-HOO!! YES WE DID!!
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