Posts from — September 2008

peaceful me

one of these days i’m gonna run
leaving sorrow far behind
deep in the dust
chasing after rainbows
in the sky
one of these days
i’m taking off my mask
shaking lose my spirit
one misconception at a time
until then
here i sit
crying out my eyes
drowning in my tears
held captive by my fears
i wanna leave this hateful place
but i’m lonely on my own
don’t have the strength to fight
wondering if i’ll ever be
all right
the sun sets over me
as i lay me down to sleep
dreaming dreams of paradise
hoping they’ll remember me
one of these days
i’m gonna feel so free
can’t do it by myself
maybe God will send some help
‘cause only He
can comfort me
as i wait for the dawn
of a brand new day
upon my knees i fall to pray
asking will today will the moment come
where i’ll achieve my goal
and become free
peaceful little me

No, not the Xscape song……
——————————-

Understanding

I understand, man
That this world be damned, eff the police obsession
Led to your ill-stated, ill-begotten confession
And locked you down in the system
Forever and all eternity
But do you realize you missed the opportunity
To redeem yourself in the eyes of those
Who seek to crucify me?
Rather than protect me
You linked arms with the enemy
Used the destruction of my innocence
As fodder for the canon of your smooth talking
Politricks
Yeah, I understand, man

As I’m the one that bathed you birthed you
And raised you
I nursed you at my breast
When you needed me I was a witness
To the evils that sought to engulf you
In the flames
Yet I’m the tool of your emasculation
I gave you life
And you give me public humiliation
Oh, such hypocrisy!
To accuse me of doing
Ungodly things
While you fall to your knees
Worshiping the green as King
Building an altar of flesh to sacrifice
Good sense and throwing away dreams
Yeah, man, I understand what you mean

Lost in the prison of your mind
Hidden behind
The bars of deception and naivety
Unable to focus on reality
Yet you question me
And my commitment to the long haul
This weakness you detest is present in your failure
To achieve absolute success
Your vision wavers due to
Misguided misconceptions
Sinking to a level of using sex and fear as your
Only weapons
Your betrayal brought me to my knees
With tears of pain
I pleaded with you
But my cries were all in vain
Deaf ears heard my voice
You turned your back on the one who had your corner
Forgot my face
Treated me as a foreigner
One who was unknown to your intimacies
You walked away as the air between us
Cooled
By several degrees

I understand, man
Your authority felt threatened
Your manhood was endangered
You lashed out badly angered
I was just in the way
Not so innocent bystander casualty
In cahoots with the Devil
Plotting against you gleefully
Yeah, that’s me
You almost convinced me
I’m not what I appear to be
I’m your mother your sister
Every woman you ever loved
Every woman you ever hurt
Every woman you will desert
Fleeing from the fear
That the hour draws near
That the Angel of Judgment will rest upon your shoulder
And your neck will rest in the cold grip of Death
And away will fly your carefully laid plan
Yeah, man
I understand

pusher-man

you wanna be my pusher, man?
get me hooked on that sh.t
have me searchin’ the streets
diggin’ underneath
rocks and trash
peeping in windows
playin’ stick up games
while i’m ridin’ that train
feelin’ high
feelin’ high
stuck with a sickness
only you can cure

you wanna be my pusher, man?
i seen you put your
baby brother on payroll
your sister on the hoe stroll
got yo’ mama cracked out
noddin’ on the porch
think you’re in charge
neighborhood kingpin
fresh cadillac with 20 inch rims
never seein’
never seein’
this high life end

how ‘bout I be your pusher, man?
take you to school
teach you the rules
the real world don’t wait
for black boys to grow up
they take ‘em young
make ‘em strong
make ‘em weak
laugh as you prey on your kind
but pay me no nevermind

i wanna be yo’ pusher, man
let me know how you like it
the twitch that you get
when the poison hits your veins
cloudin’ yo’ vision
make you suffer from
indecision
scratchin’ and nervous
paranoid and impervious
to the dark
at the end of the tunnel
that awaits
accept your fate

you have just
been
pushed

Well!
———————-

the way you….

honey baby don’tchu kow
i love you thinkin’ of you
every night and day
in every way
sugah don’tchu know
this thang we got goin’ on
is so wrong got me wonderin’
how long
can i stand the pain
got me itchin’ in my thoughts
ain’t christian in the
slightest bit
need a hit need a taste
feel my heartbeat race
while i’m
tossin’ and turnin’
my mind is burnin’
stomach churnin’
i’m feelin’ good today
lost in your arms
overwhelmed by the charms
you used to disarm
me let down my guard
there’s a song in my body
boy you play me like a
violin ain’t this a sin
to feel this good
can you keep a secret
this is getting’ heated
first time i remember
feelin’ like this
can i call it bliss
when i felt your kiss
upon my lips
is it me you’re out to devour
hour after hour
my limbs quiver like a flower
in the spring breeze
the way you
tease me
please me
don’t release me
keep me captive in this dream
oh you make it seem
like i’m the only worthy
woman satisfaction guaranteed
make me wanna plead
fall down on my knees
baby baby please
overcome by sleep
you make me wanna weep
tears of joys runnin’ down
my face cuz you always
take me to that place
ecstasy

yeah, it’s like that sometimes…….
————————————-

darkness

open my eyes in darkness
shaken not shattered
thinkin’ ’bout my testimony
as if it mattered
street dreams chasin’ me
huntin’ me
changin’ my philosophy
from sea to shining sea
what f.ck is happenin’ to me?
used to be so playful
optimistic
smiling and mischievous
they used to see me and be envious
now they pity me
fell from grace and landed hard
cushioned only by my sins
thought that i could walk away
thought that i could play pretend
but the shadow rose from my soul
and evil started beckonin’
the smiles i used to flash
turned to grimaces of pain
mama help me save me
this is a portrait of me
insane

when the darkness calls i go
where the darkness falls i flow
river of spirits carry me to my destiny
askin’ all the people to be patient
and remember me

i bow to a puppet master
enslaved by desire
my greed leaves me hangin’
hearing chants of “liar, liar”
pimpin’ false ideology
breakin’ down society
avoided lookin’ in the mirror
damn devil looked just like me
my senses have been twisted
and my purpose unfulfilled
at night cry me a river
as my body starts to shiver
bound and gagged in a platinum prison
held in place by the stage
mama daddy please forgive me
i’m fightin’ a losin’ battle with my rage

when the darkness calls i go
where the darkness falls i flow
river of spirits carry me to my destiny
askin’ all the people to be patient
and remember me

my head can’t take no more
and my heart has turned to stone
sweet ashes of my memory
are makin’ me atone
the love i lost
the fame i gained
the innocent blood
my hands are stained
is there a god who can hear me
as i wallow in despair
damn
is it too late
i think i cease to care
the veil of annihilation has covered me
obscuring my vision
hiding the last vestiges of sanity
i don’t where i am
where i’m from
or how i’ve been
the murky voices calm me
feel like i should let go
if i hold on
this danger may never end
losin’ myself
made of plastic
covered in chrome
lookin’ pretty for the people
but on the inside
i’m all alone
even the master has abandoned me
strangled by the wires of my vanity
useless for me to grieve
as i no longer truly believe
that my existence is required
on this plane of earth -
- and now i’m freed
because
when the darkness calls i go
where the darkness falls i flow
river of spirits carry me to my destiny
askin’ all the people to be patient
and remember me

yeah i see you

i see you watching me
brother
tryin’ to see into my soul
wonderin’ if it’s really me
the one who is supposed to grow
old at your side birth
your kids fix your meals
clean your house
make love to your mind and
work your body out
yeah i see you brother
runnin’ circles in your head
“will she” “is she” “won’t she”
follow you to the end of the world
while you protect me from harm
keep me close to your heart
and forever in your arms
yeah i see you
brother